dysmorphics | it's you and me up against the world, it's you and me

"I know. But I look at these and you're who I see. It doesn't feel right otherwise." The distinction felt especially important now that Steph knew her best friend survived the war. They might've been the same people at some point, but they were their own person now, and she wasn't going to trade Bucky for any other version of him.

She snuggled closer at the kiss. "Yeah, no, it was too embarrassing. Especially because I thought it was one-sided." Nevermind that there seemed to be something almost wrong with pining for your best friend. They worked out, but what if they didn't and trying ruined everything? Their fears had been for good reason.

Taking the sketchpad from him, she flipped through the pages until she found what she was looking for. Perhaps surprisingly, it wasn't anything sexual, rather it was just them kissing on the Coney Island boardwalk. But it was all in the details: her mussed up hair from riding the Cyclone, the stain on his shirt from when she nearly emptied her stomach on him, the end of a ribbon sticking out of his pocket because he'd stashed his present for her there.

It was July 4, 1935, with every excruciating detail she remembered, but one in which they'd kissed and had a whole other life together. Sometimes she wondered if they did, in another timeline.

Smiling, Bucky examined the picture she turned to. He was pretty sure it was her birthday, the one they'd talked about the very first night she showed up in the future with him, except they hadn't kissed on her birthday.

He'd definitely wanted to, and he almost got up the guts to do it, but he'd chickened out and just danced with her instead, singing badly in her ear.

"Might not be the same now," he started after looking at it for a long moment, "with all the new lights and me being old as hell now. But I can kiss you on the boardwalk one of these days."

Laughing, Steph teased, "You can do better than just kiss me, old man." She put the sketchbook and pencils away and climbed into his lap, because of course she would. Besides, they'd been interrupted. She had barely put her nightie to use.

She pushed his hair out of his eyes. "I like that one because it's when I knew for sure that I loved you." Up until then she couldn't quite own up to what she'd been feeling. "And I drew that feeling every bit of that love, I even gave us a happy ending. A world where I got better, and you chose me."

They lived in that world now, she thought. Sure, they still had plenty of doctor's appointments to get to, but she'd been feeling so much better since her last day in the 1940s. More importantly, he'd chosen her. He could've had the better version of her, but still he went with sickly, tiny her, and that meant all the world to her.

Bucky reached up with his good hand to tuck Steph's hair behind her ear before sliding his arms around her waist. "For the record, I'd already picked you by that point," he started, chuckling softly before leaning in to give her a soft, quick kiss. "I was just waiting for some kind of sign that you wanted me back."

Problem was, he apparently didn't know how to read any of the signs she gave him. Because they were definitely there. Looking back, he could tell. But Bucky was a dumbass teenager, then he grew into a dumbass twenty-something who still couldn't read her hints.

"I'm always gonna want you, sweetheart. And I'm always gonna choose you."

"I'm glad you're old and wise now," Steph teased, not even bothering to hide her grin. She wasn't going to tease Bucky too much though, because she'd been as blind to the signs as he was. Becca had to be laughing at them for being such idiots. Steph was willing to bet Becca had always known, had always seen.

She pushed him back into the pillows and leaned in to kiss him. "Me too, darling. And I mean you you. Not any other version of you." Which, again, seemed like a necessary distinction to make, especially after that unexpected reunion with her best friend. And she hoped he meant what he said in the same way.

Chuckling, Bucky let Steph push him down easily. While he kissed her back, his hands wandered down to give her ass a squeeze. "You're the one I want, too, Steph," he said simply when the kiss was broken. "I even told her you were the one for me."

Kissing her again, Bucky rolled them so her tiny body was under his before looking down at her with a smirk. "Me and her, we've got too many scars and too much trauma. Lots of darkness. You're lighter, and I'm sure the other Bucky is, too. Basically, I think we somehow landed the right versions of each other."

Bucky lowered his head and pressed a couple of kisses to the side of her neck before adding, "I wouldn't trade you for anything or anyone."

Steph was beaming when Bucky rolled them over, because really, he told Cap that? While she'd worked out that there was truly no competition there, she was delighted that he was owning it. No more of that annoying 'I actually like you but let me date other women while I wait for a sign' dumbassery.

They were also on their way back to where they'd been before they got interrupted by their counterparts. Good. She tilted her head back to give him more neck to nuzzle, moaning when he obliged. "Oh, me too. I was ready to fight her," she confessed with a soft laugh.

It did make some kind of sense though, what he said about darkness and light. She knew she wasn't exactly the most optimistic person around, but between the two of them she was the more hopeful one. He made it easy though. To smile, to laugh, to believe in the good things.

She brought her hands up to his chest, her thumbs finding his nipples and toying with them almost mindlessly. "You're stuck with me forever."

Bucky couldn't help the soft groan that he let out when she began to play with his chest, thankful to be one of the men with sensitive nipples. Or maybe he was just sensitive to Steph, because it seemed like anywhere she touched him always felt fantastic.

Either way, he honestly hadn't been intending to get turned on again when they came back to bed, not after the night they'd had. But, between Steph being in that little red number, seeing the explicit drawings she'd done of the two of them, and just the ways she knew to touch him? It was really no wonder that they'd ended up where they were again, with her under him while he ignored just how tight his underwear was getting once again.

"Forever sounds perfect," he said, grinning against her skin as he kissed further down her neck, biting gently at it every so often before pulling back to look down at her. "Plenty of time for us to try out anything you want," he added as he brought up one hand and gently pushed one of the nightie straps off her shoulder. Bucky then hooked one finger under the top, tugging it down just enough to expose one of her breasts. Then, smirking, he lowered his head to take her nipple into his mouth, teasing and sucking at it in a way he knew she liked.

Steph groaned approvingly whenever Bucky bit her, loving the thought of always being covered in his marks. There hadn't been a day since after they first got together that she wasn't sporting a hickey or bruise somewhere, and she liked looking at her reflection and tracing their path on her body. She was his, there was no doubt about that. She didn't even bother to cover up whenever they went out, which had earned them some weird looks a couple of times — either they recognized him, or they thought she was a child with how small she was especially next to him, or both.

She'd had some ideas on what to try that night, but she was momentarily distracted by the way he worked her nightie to free one of her breasts. It wasn't the first time they'd made out with her still covered up top, but he seemed to like her little surprise and she, in turn, liked how pleased he was. She was going to have to shop for more of these. There had been so much to choose from, some of which she couldn't imagine herself in. Maybe she had to get one of those.

She could picture her next sketch now, which was basically just putting her current view to paper: red lace giving way to exposed skin, her nipple caught in his teeth with a hint of tongue somewhere, the expression on his face both exhilarated and content. "I dunno yet," she said breathlessly as she squirmed beneath him. "I'm just enjoying watching you right now."

Bucky tugged at her nipple with his teeth for a second before letting go to smirk at her. "Just watching?" he asked with a bit of a laugh. "I should be the one trying to watch since you got all dressed up for me."

Pulling back, Bucky looked down Steph's body, letting his natural hand slide down her side until it came to a rest on her thigh. "I always think you're gorgeous, but wrapped in lace with one tit out for me and marks on your neck is a good look on you."

He would feel bad about leaving hickeys and bruises on her pale skin if she wasn't so into them herself.

Steph blushed, but it was more pleased than embarrassed since that was exactly the reaction she hoped to elicit from Bucky.

"You wanna take some pictures?" She would let him sketch her, but they both knew he was shit at art. Photos would be the next best thing though, especially if— "You can touch me while you do, like you're painting a picture."

He had taken photos of her, and both of them together, after having sex, but never during or during foreplay. She had no idea what she looked like in those moments, if she looked anything like he did in the throes of passion. Her past dislike for her appearance aside, that was why her face was always obscured in her sketches, either by her hair or by the shadows or by his body. Even in those explicit drawings her face was never in view, only his.

"I can take some pictures, yeah," Bucky answered, grinning as he sat up on his knees so he could reach over and grab his phone from the bedside table. Once it was in his hands, he sat back on his heels between her spread knees, watching her as he navigated to his camera app. "This way I can show you how I see you."

And Bucky saw a gorgeous woman when he looked at her, no matter how she was or wasn't dressed. But having her spread out in front of him like she was, flushed and exposed, was a special treat.

His grin turned into more of a smirk again as he took a couple of photos, showing from her upper thighs up, before leaning in to cup her breast with one hand, flicking over the nipple with his thumb. Bucky took a couple of closer pictures then, showing his hand on her chest, as well as the expression on her face as he played with her.

Steph started to feel self-conscious at the sight of Bucky holding up his phone to take her photos, but her misgivings vanished the moment he touched her breast. Her eyes closed and her mouth opened with a soft whimper as his thumb caressed her nipple. God, he had such big, strong hands, but his touch was always gentle and pleasurable.

She paid no mind to the camera after that, only to his hand. He took his time with that one breast, then teased back up to her neck and her mouth. She sucked on his fingers like she would his dick, eyes half-lidded and moaning. She looked dazed when he pulled his hand away, tracking it as he proceeded to pull down the other strap of her nightie over her opposite shoulder.

He paused, seemingly studying her while she lay there with both tits exposed. Her mouth and libido working faster than her brain, she suddenly offered, "Do you want me to touch myself?" as she rested her hands just below her breasts.

Bucky took snapshots of all of that, more than happy to show Steph how she looked later. Then, she was asking if she should touch herself.

Wetting his lips, he nodded at her. "Yeah, sweetheart. Touch yourself for me," he answered, then gave her nipple one more tweak before sitting back on his heels again. Bucky reached down to squeeze himself through his underwear as he took a couple of pictures of her playing with her breasts, then reached out to grab one of her hands and gently tug it down to the waistband of her panties. "Down here, too, beautiful. Make yourself feel good for me."

Steph normally hated being told what to do, even by Bucky, but never when they were together like this. In fact, since he rarely ever asked her to do anything it was actually a turn on when he took charge for a change.

For a moment it looked like she wasn't going to do it though, as she drew her hand away — but it was only to put her index and middle finger into her mouth. Meeting his gaze, she sucked on them a few times, then slowly pulled her wet fingers out and ran them down her chin, throat, chest and stomach, until they disappeared beneath her panties.

She groaned as she felt how wet she already was and thought about how he would lap it all up like water later. Spreading her legs a little bit more, she began to slide her fingers between her folds. "Like this, darling?" she asked breathlessly, still with that dazed, half-lidded look on her face.

"Tell me what to do," she insisted. And because there was only one surefire way to get him to do that, she added, "That's what I want."

Usually, Bucky didn't just let Steph take charge in bed, he actually encouraged it. Preferred it, even. He loved it when his girlfriend told him exactly what he could do to make her feel the best. But when she so clearly stated that this time she wanted it to be the other way around, who was he to refuse?

It was just another way for her to tell him what she wanted.

He got a couple more pictures before setting his phone down for a moment so he could use both hands to slowly slide Steph's panties down and off, revealing where she was toying with herself. "I wanna see you get yourself off," he told her with a smirk as he picked the phone back up. She'd asked him to jerk off in front of her plenty of times, and turnabout was fair play.

Oh how Steph loved it when Bucky looked at her like that, especially because this one was usually so serious. It was a rush in itself to see that lustful gleam in his eyes and how his cock strained against his underwear. She licked her lips, then reached up to smear her wetness on his lips. A taste to tide him over until she finished.

Then she slipped her fingers between her folds again and slid them down to her entrance, where they scooped up her juice before traveling back to go round her clit. It was a very simple motion that sent her moaning even as she went slow, eyes closing and back arching slightly and head tipping back into the pillows.

She pushed a finger in. She kept adding one more until she had all but her thumb, and she'd have stuffed her whole hand in if she could, since her fingers were tiny. She fucked herself as he would with his cock, whimpering at how her fingers were getting even more soaked. But that wasn't really what made her feel good, so after a while of that she pulled out and went back to rubbing her clit and between her folds. "Fuck," she swore in a gasp, and her movements became frantic. She imagined sitting on his face and holding her folds open while she rode his tongue until she spilled—

She spilled into her hand with a cry, legs clamping around it as she shuddered through her release.

Bucky groaned softly as he watched Steph come by her own hand. The small woman was gorgeous and sexy, and no one could turn him on the way she did, that was for sure. He even realized he was palming himself again as he took a few final pictures before tossing his phone aside.

"That's enough of that," he said as the device hit the mattress. When he lowered himself over her, holding himself up with his metal arm while the fingers of his natural hand slid into her hair, he could tell she was still trembling from her release. That didn't stop him from leaning down to kiss her deeply for a long moment, though, only breaking the kiss after a time so he could tug her hand from between her legs and guide it to his mouth.

Smirking, he sucked at her fingers one at a time, giving her more time to come down before teasing her by saying, "You almost worked your whole hand into yourself." Bucky nipped at each of her fingertips then. "And I've got pictures of it."

Steph flushed a touch darker. "Well, much bigger things usually go in there," she muttered almost defensively in response to Bucky's teasing. Had it been too much? She worried for a second, but then he was nipping on her fingers, so clearly he wasn't put off by it. She let out a breath that was also a sigh of relief.

She really didn't know how or why she ended up becoming this wild little thing around him. She was practically addicted to sex now, seeking him out during the day even as she was guaranteed time with him on the sheets at night. She thought of the craziest, weirdest things sometimes too, and worse, she acted on them. It was a far cry from the way she'd been in the 40s; sure, she touched herself every now and then, and fantasized about him, but she didn't do shit like get her photos taken while masturbating or covered in his cum, or try to shove her whole hand inside her. (And she'd been looking things up. Lingerie. Other positions. Toys. She only hadn't found porn because she didn't know how to ask the Google.)

"Did you like it?" she asked as he licked her fingers clean. Because that was the more important part, at least to her. Orgasms were nice, sure, but him enjoying her was even more so.

"Did I like it?" Bucky repeated back at her, perking a brow. "Sweetheart, it was all I could do not to jerk off to the sight of you. Or to not move your hand out of the way so I could press into you instead."

Once those tiny fingers of hers were clean, he pressed a kiss to the inside of her wrist, then proceeded to kiss and gently nibble his way up her arm to her shoulder before pulling back to grin at her. "When I tell you I'll do anything you want, it's not just to make you happy," he added. "It's because I like doing what you want me to in bed, Steph. Whether it's slowly making love to you or something kinky you learned about online that you want to try, I've liked all of it so far. Plus, I might not know tons about kink things, but I doubt you're gonna ask me to do anything I wouldn't at least be willing to try with you."

Steph's relief was clear on her face. "Oh, good. I don't wanna scare you off. I... I dunno what's gotten into me," she mumbled, ducking her head. The old Steph would've left it at that, but she'd promised herself she was through being an idiot and she would make the effort to communicate with him. "I just love doing things with you. Exploring. Fucking." That sounded too crude, so she added in explanation, "I love how you make me feel beautiful and wanted."

He did that on the regular, with how he took care of her and when he would do something sweet and unexpected like slow dance with her in the kitchen. It was just heightened during sex, and she basked in and craved the feeling of being the object of his desires.

She averted her gaze down to her nightie, which was now bunched up like a large belt around her stomach. "How did you know I was looking things up on the Google?"

"Steph, sweetheart," Bucky started, calling her attention back to himself instead of focusing on that bunched up band of lace. "I waited for almost a century to be with you, you're not gonna scare me off." Shifting, he placed his good hand on her cheek, letting his thumb slide gently over her cheekbone.

"If you ever wanna try something and I don't want to, I'll let you know, but it still won't scare me off. So don't worry about that. Keep letting me know about all the things you wanna try, alright? Cause I'm really into exploring all this with you, too, and I keep telling you you've got free rein with me."

Her question made him chuckle, though. "Wasn't hard to figure out," he started, then leaned down to give her a quick kiss. "You don't have any more experience with sex than I do, so you had to be getting your ideas from somewhere. And I haven't caught you watching porn, so I figured you just looked some stuff up."

Steph's worries melted away then, and she leaned up to give Bucky a good, albeit quick, kiss. "Okay. I just... don't ever want you to feel forced to do anything with me or that you have no choice." He'd had enough of that from HYDRA, and, heck, even with his best friend, what with that stunt she pulled. "I love you so much, okay? But if you're happy, then I'm happy."

Her blush returned as their conversation turned to what they have been looking up online. "I was curious and wanted to try," she admitted with a shy laugh, "but I didn't know how to ask that of the Google. There were... pictures, when I tried, but lots of other things showed up and I got confused." And panicked when she got prompted to download stuff or warned that there were viruses. Hey, she was still learning.

"Nothing feels forced with you, Steph," Bucky told her with a smile, his hand moving from her cheek to slide through her hair. "I love you, too, and I know I can tell you if I don't like something. But, for the record? So far I've liked everything."

He couldn't help laughing a little when she mentioned getting confused trying to find porn, though. Not in a spiteful way or anything, more because he understood. He'd been the one who was new to phones and the internet not all that long ago. "I can show you where to find porn if you want," he smirked at her a bit. "But you have to keep telling me the things you want to try."

"We could look at some together later?" Steph knew she didn't need porn to enjoy herself, especially with Bucky right there, but she was curious as hell. Not just after seeing some pictures online; she wanted him to have fun in bed and ideas had to come from somewhere. It was worth every effort to see him smiling and happy.

That was for later though. They were still in the middle of something. He hadn't gotten off yet, and unless he decided it was 'make Steph come over and over until she couldn't anymore' night she was making damn sure he got his turn.

"I'm ready for you," she told him with a smile. "Where do you want me?"

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