dysmorphics | it's you and me up against the world, it's you and me

Bucky grinned as she snuggled closer to him, closing his eyes as he relaxed with her. He wasn't tired enough to go to sleep or anything of the like; he just loved it when she got clingy. It was almost like a soothing balm for him.

"Sweetheart, I don't know if you've realized this," he started, peeking one eye open so he could look at her. "But inside you is my favorite place to come."

But at her question, he paused, thinking it over for a moment before laughing softly. "I... honestly don't know," he started, shrugging one shoulder before he opened his eyes fully so he could look at her properly. "I guess I spent so long just wanting to be safe enough to be with you that I didn't think all that much about what exactly I wanted to do if it happened. I just... wanted you." He'd had a lot longer to pine than she had, and she hadn't seen how he was before. When he was skittish, almost like an animal that wanted to trust but had been so abused it was scared to, so he stayed far away from the older version of Steph even though he wanted to know more about her almost as much as he wanted to learn about himself.

Steph's expression turned serious. She hadn't meant to upset Bucky or add to the already heavy night he'd had, what with that confrontation with Cap and all. She cupped his cheek and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth. "Sorry. I wasn't trying to be difficult or anything."

She'd certainly been in the past, but she had promised herself that she would change, and that she wasn't going to bring him any more trouble. He already had more than enough for a lifetime.

"I just don't want you to feel that what you want doesn't matter. Or that my wants and needs are more important than yours. You matter. To me, most of all." And if all he wanted was just her, then that was fine. She wasn't going anywhere. She was his.

Bucky couldn't help laughing softly. "Steph, sweetheart, you're not being difficult," he started before pressing his own soft kiss to her lips, then one to the tip of her nose just because. She hadn't upset him or bothered him or anything of the sort. "And I don't feel like that at all. I know that what I want matters to you."

Bucky kissed her again then, slower that time, before pulling back with a soft smile. "If I think of something, I'll tell you, I promise. You were just always the more creative one of us, and so far I've been really into everything you've suggested."

"Okay. Good." Steph smiled back, relief clear on her features. "I'll keep thinking. I want you to enjoy yourself." Bucky had been through so much that she just wanted to make him happy. And so far, sex made him happy.

She kissed him again, then slowly pushed herself up to seated after they broke off. "I'm gonna get something to eat, you want anything?" Even if he'd say no, she would bring him back a glass of water and some snacks, just in case he'd want them later. Because there would definitely be a later, a round more at the very least; who could go to sleep after the promise of being fucked so thoroughly? They could sleep in the morning.

When Steph sat up, Bucky rolled onto his back, tucking his arm under his head as he watched her with that grin still on his face. "Maybe just something to drink, but I don't need anything to eat," he began before gesturing towards one of the bedside tables. "I threw some snack bars in there already in case we want some one night, but we don't want to get out of bed."

Now, those snack bars wouldn't exactly help when it came to thirst, but he could only do so much, and that so much hadn't exactly included getting a mini fridge or anything of the like.

"I just want you to hurry back. I'm not done holding you yet."

"Oh! That's smart." Steph smiled at Bucky as she slipped her feet into her slippers. "I'll be quick, promise. I'm not done with you yet."

She scurried out of the bedroom and into the kitchen naked. Hardly her first time to walk around their apartment with no clothes on, really. She took two cans of Coca Cola from the fridge (she needed the caffeine) and filled two glasses with ice and water, then somehow managed to carry all of them back without spilling the water, the glasses in her hands and the cans tucked into her elbows.

She deposited the goods on the nightstand on his side (hers had her sketchpad and other things anyway) and climbed back up the bed. "I can get more later if you need more." She reached for one of the glasses then offered it to him. "What kinda snacks do you have there?"

Bucky smiled as he watched her run out of the room, then sat up and leaned back against the headboard when she came back. "I don't have a lot of stuff or anything," he said as he turned and opened the drawer, then pulled out a couple of different flavors of granola bars and a Snickers. "Just kinda threw some stuff I know you like well enough in here."

He set the snacks on the bed for Steph to pick from before opening and pouring the sodas for them. Settling back into place, he took a sip of his Coke as he held hers out for her.

Steph tore into the Snickers, then three of the granola bars, washing them all down with her soda, then water when she ran out. Lately she'd been eating breakfast and snacking after sex as if she had the metabolism of a supersoldier. Could anyone blame her though? Bucky seemed to make it a point to ensure she had a minimum of three orgasms every time.

By her third granola bar she wasn't eating like she was starving anymore, just slowly nibbling at it while tucked into his side. "So how do you ask the Google to show you porn?"

What? It wasn't like they had anything else to do. The bedroom didn't have a TV, and her hands were too busy with her snacks for any sketching.

After living through what was now called the Great Depression, followed by the rationing during the War, it was good to see Steph eating as much as she wanted to. The two of them didn't need to budget as harshly as Steph and her mom had when they were young, so he was happy to supply his girlfriend with any and all snacks she could possibly want.

But when she brought up the idea of looking porn up again, he took another swig of his Coke before setting it aside and pulling away. "Might as well use a screen bigger than a phone for this," he said, then pressed a kiss to her head and stood from his place on the bed. He didn't go far, though. Just to grab the laptop from where it sat on top of their dresser.

After taking his spot beside her again, he opened it up and showed her how to navigate to a website that didn't seem to make his laptop want to download things, and didn't give off virus warnings, then showed her how to navigate it. "It's kinda like the YouTube app I showed you, but for naked people."

Steph was fascinated by Bucky's laptop, but also scared of pressing the wrong button and destroying it that she refused to touch it for the most part. It could also do a lot of things that made using it feel overwhelming. She was fine watching him do whatever he needed on it.

She peered closer, trying to follow how to navigate the website and curiously checking out the thumbnail previous of the videos. "There's... so many." At least the bodice rippers she'd read kind of had similar things. "How do you decide which one to watch?"

Bucky couldn't help chuckling a little as he watched his girlfriend, then shrugged. "I don't know, I haven't really watched a ton of the stuff myself," he told her simply. "But I guess people just... pick something?"

He didn't know what half the titles meant. There was a good chance they were describing things that happened in the videos, but they might as well have just been given random numbers for titles for how much he knew about most modern day sex terminology.

At least sometimes there were words he knew. Like blonde. He knew blonde.

Steph couldn't figure out what half the titles meant either, so she just looked at the thumbnails as she scrolled. "Is that supposed to be...?" She squinted at one with a blonde in a red, blue and white bikini or something. "That ass is huge," she commented in a tone that she found it weird.

"Two at once?" she asked with a disbelieving glance at Bucky at one with a woman in a threesome. Some previews were close ups like the photos he took of her, so she couldn't be sure what the deal was without opening the video.

Then she accidentally clicked one open, and she gave a little yelp of surprise. After which she stared. The woman was blindfolded and propped up the kitchen counter with her legs open. Her hands were tied with a matching color cloth as her blindfold in front of her. She was rubbing circles on her clit while the man standing beside her had an arm around her, fondling her breast with one hand and... sticking something in and out of her pussy. Steph blinked, then went, "Oh. That's how you use it."

Bucky couldn't resist laughing a little at Steph's reactions. For one thing, while it was nowhere near the size of the woman in the thumbnails, or even the size of the Steph that had left him behind, his Steph had a great ass. It was probably the meatiest part of her petite body. For another, "I'm going to have to put my foot down at that one," he told her when she commented on the threesome. "I don't think I could share you with anyone else."

Plus he didn't want to be with anyone else.

As the video played, Bucky only half watched it, more interested in his girlfriend's reactions than the action in the video. "Earlier, you said you liked the idea of being blindfolded and pinned down," he mentioned as the video continued to play. "And that was after fitting most of your hand in yourself."

"I don't wanna be with anyone else," Steph said easily, turning to look at Bucky like he was crazy for even thinking she might consider it. "And I don't like sharing."

She bit the inside of her cheek, suddenly looking embarrassed. "Remember that time the stitches on the shirt you had me press just fell apart for no reason? Well... it was me. You were out with, what's her name... and I was so mad, and I had a seam ripper." She didn't realize just how petty she could be until that night.

She lost interest in the video after a while too, especially when he brought up the blindfolding thing. She blushed. "Yeah, it might be fun? Ain't gotta be anything like that." She gestured toward the screen. "But not knowing what you'd do, or be able to touch you... that drives me crazy." And somehow she wanted that.

Bucky blinked a bit at Steph's confession, then barked out a laugh. Then continued laughing. "I thought my shirt was broken! I didn't even know that could happen!" he told her between laughs. He hadn't known what to do when his shirt suddenly started just... falling apart on him, so he called the date early (most of his dates got called early anyway) and went home. "I think that was a date Ma set up. Her hairdresser's niece or something, I don't remember her name."

Sometimes, Bucky swore his Ma had figured out how he felt about his best friend, but then she'd go and set up dates for him, and he wasn't sure anymore. Maybe it was her way of getting him to say something? He didn't know, and she was long gone, so he couldn't ask.

Once he settled, Bucky went back to watching the video and, more importantly, watching Steph. "I'll do that for you sometime," he promised with a grin. Making her feel good was one of his favorite things.

Steph started laughing too, if only because Bucky couldn't seem to stop laughing. Though a hint of sadness flashed across her face as he reminded her that his Ma had set up some of his dates. Would she approve of Steph now? Her best friend was married, sure, but that Steph was rich and beautiful and healthy and Captain America. Meanwhile, here was tiny sickly Stephanie, with nothing to offer that other women couldn't.

But he was so amused, so happy, that she kept her thoughts to herself. Instead she just said, "I tried to date hoping it would make you jealous, but you know how that turned out."

It had been some kind of bet. She found out in the middle of dinner, after she went to the washroom and overheard him bragging to his friends that he would at the very least get to second base, not that there was much of a base to begin with. She got so mad and punched him, then doubled over as she had an asthma attack because the asshole had stolen her cigs. The irony of it all? One of his friends ran to get Bucky, who they'd seen the next block over getting ice cream with his date or something. Steph swore off dating after that. It just wasn't worth it.

Bucky remembered that night as clear as day. He hadn't even had a date planned for that night originally, but after Steph told him she was going on one, he'd been frustrated and agreed to the next girl who asked him.

Hypocritical? Absolutely. He could see that now.

But when one of that guy's friends showed up to tell him Steph wasn't breathing right, Bucky had ditched his date with barely a word. He just left and went to Steph. Luckily, he always kept some of her cigarettes with him just in case.

"I'd never been so happy to kick someone's ass before," Bucky said without thinking, momentarily forgetting that he'd never actually admitted to being the reason her date had shown up to school on Monday with a broken nose and a black eye. But, when Bucky had run into him the day after their date, he just couldn't help himself.

"I'd hoped it was you." Steph sighed. "And that something would change after that." She shrugged and bit into her granola bar. "But you just went on more dates. I couldn't let go, though. Couldn't move on."

Realizing their conversation had taken a somber turn, she smiled and turned her head to kiss his cheek. "But we already established that we were young and stupid." It wasn't his fault that she was so insecure that even now, after all the ways he'd shown and told her that he loved her, she would sometimes still feel a pang of regret and longing.

She decided to change the subject, shifting her attention back to the laptop screen. The video had ended and there were suggestions for what to watch next, but she wasn't feeling any more of it. "I don't really need this when I have you," she said, closing the laptop. "You wanna see my other drawings?"

"Of course it was me," Bucky said simply before turning to press a kiss to her forehead, a soft grin on his face. "Not only was he a piece of shit for making you into some kind of bet-" the way Bucky said that last word showed just how much contempt he had in the idea of Steph being a bet, or a joke, "-but that jackass even stole your damn asthma cigarettes, which put you in actual danger."

Sure, in the 2020s they had much better ways to treat asthma, and they learned that cigarettes of any sort actually made her lungs worse, but at the time, that was the best option they knew of. And, in Bucky's mind, that asshole could have killed her.

When Steph closed the laptop, Bucky just moved so he could set it on his bedside table, immediately done with it, then rolled back over so he could wrap his good arm around Steph's middle. "Sweetheart, I don't think I've ever turned down seeing any of your art."

It soothed something in Steph to hear the way Bucky speak about the incident like it hadn't been decades for him, yet still with the same intensity and conviction. The dumbass really did love her even back then, despite his mixed signals.

She kissed him again, this time on the month, slow and lingering. "Thank you," she said against his lips when they broke off. "For always looking out for me." She smiled. "And for not seeing other people anymore," she couldn't help adding. For all he disparaged himself and thought himself old and broken, she was sure there would be plenty who would want to date and fuck him. She'd seen things on the Internet.

While he put away the laptop, she grabbed her sketchpad again, flipping to the explicit drawings on the second half. She stopped at one with him leaning back into a chair, tie undone and dress shirt unbuttoned, and a tiny blonde kneeling between his legs, hunched over as she sucked his cock. The perspective was from the side, with most of the woman's face hidden by her hair, save for her mouth, where his dick disappeared into. There was only a subtle hint as to her identity: her dress. It had been his favorite.

"I pictured us married a lot," she confessed, blushing. "Like this is you coming home from work."

"Sweetheart, I haven't been on a date with anyone else since I shipped off to England," he told her honestly. No hookups on rare weekends off, no stepping out when he was running around with the Howlies, no second glances at anyone since he escaped HYDRA for good. As soon as he'd had excuses to stop going on dates with women he knew he wasn't interested in, he stopped. And he hadn't regretted it once.

Really, he only regretted not telling the one he did want how he felt sooner.

When he turned his attention back to the sketchbook in Steph's hands, he grinned. Sure, the picture was hot as hell and drawn amazingly well, but he wanted to point out something else when he spotted what she'd drawn herself wearing. "You know, that dress was the same color as your eyes?" he said, turning his head so he could see the eyes in question. "So they always looked extra bright when you wore it." Plus, it also just... hugged her in flattering ways.

Bucky shifted then, slouching down on the bed a bit so he could look at the sketchbook with his chin on her shoulder. He just wanted to be close to her. "I pictured us married so much that I decided I was gonna tell you how I felt and propose when I got home."

"Really? Maybe they brought it with them." Steph had taken good care of her clothes so she didn't have to buy new ones, rotating through and mix-and-matching a couple of pieces. The dress in question was still part of her wardrobe by the time Cap had sent her off to the future, so it should be in the suitcases if Bucky had a hand in choosing what to bring.

Anyway, she laughed softly at the realization that she'd never really known the colors of her clothes. "I can wear it again if you like it so much," she teased. Maybe they could even reenact her sketches, because it was a whole series.

She flipped the page, to the next drawing. He was topless and barefoot now. He stood behind her with his mouth to her ear while he had a hand shoved under the neckline of her dress and the other under her skirt, bunching it up at the front. Even without showing where his hands actually touched, or her face, as it was obscured again by her hair, the scene looked hot as hell. The little details made all the difference: one of her hands gripping his over her dress, on her chest; her head tilted back and her little gaping mouth; her panties caught on her ankles.

"We'll have to look through your stuff tomorrow and see," Bucky said with a grin. Aside from maybe taking a shower, he didn't plan on doing much of anything outside of the bed for the rest of the night.

When she turned the page the grin shifted into more of a smirk. "See, this drawing is hotter than the porn you picked for us to watch tonight," he said, chuckling softly against her ear. "But that might be because it's you in the picture."

It'll be hotter when Steph is the one blindfolded and with her hands tied. After seeing her interest in that video, Bucky might even look into getting some sort of toy to use on her while she's blindfolded.

"So you're not weirded out that I drew all these?" At the time when they were only supposed to be friends? Must be weird to be the object of your best friend's fantasies. Or by the realization, based on the sketches, that Steph was horny as fuck, despite generally looking like a harmless wisp of a woman?

Probably not, but she had to ask anyway.

She turned to the next pages to show him the progression of that series of sketches. Her bent over on a table or something, the emphasis on her hands clawing across the surface. Her thighs framing his face as he licked her pussy. Her breasts on the foreground, as though the sketch was viewed from her eyes, with him kneeling between her legs, holding his cock as he spilled on her.

Bucky was probably glad Cap's secret sketchpad never made it to the Smithsonian.

"Steph, I would be a huge hypocrite if I was weirded out by your drawings," Bucky told her with a roll of his eyes. "I might not have been drawing it cause I can't draw for shit, but I was definitely thinking these sorts of things." But while the focus of most of her pictures was clearly on him, the focus of Bucky's thoughts was all Steph.

But, he continued to grin as he looked at the drawings with his chin on Steph's shoulder, taking in the details of each page as she revealed them. "We've already done a lot of these, you know," he pointed out. "Maybe not in those close, but we've done the... activities."

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