dysmorphics | it's you and me up against the world, it's you and me

Bucky watched her for a few seconds, his mind feeling like it was running through about fifty different thoughts at once while being pulled in just as many different directions. But there was one thought and one direction that was louder than any of the others.

"I want to kiss you," he admitted, face going more red as he brought his left hand up to rest gently on Steph's waist. As much as he had always wanted to kiss her, it wasn't exactly something he'd admitted out loud before. Maybe in passing, when he was telling the Howlies how much he needed to get home to propose to his best friend, but even then the kissing was more implied than stated. "But, Steph, I need you to promise not to up and disappear on me again. Not if you can help it."

Bucky genuinely didn't think he'd be able to handle losing her again. He'd barely survived the first time.

Steph suddenly felt light-headed and weak in the knees, as if Bucky's hand on her waist was the only thing holding her up. She hadn't realized just how much she needed this. Maybe it was the loneliness. Maybe it was suppressing all those big feelings. Or maybe because she'd been at the verge of once again giving up on everything, and he came just in time to save her.

"I was gonna end it all," she admitted with a sob, practically collapsing in his arms. It wasn't an appropriate response by any means, but he had to know. She owed him the truth, no matter how ugly it was. He had to know what he was getting into with her. "After tonight. After I took you to see her." She didn't know how, but that had been the plan. There was no point living in a world without him — or in one where she had failed him.

"But you... you stayed." Even after she fucked things up. He stayed, and he held her, and he didn't hate her, and that meant more than he could ever know.

Steph's admission made Bucky's eyes widen in a mix of shock and fear. Shock that she would go that far for any reason, and fear of losing her for good. But that only lasted for a second before he moved, one arm wrapping tightly around her waist and the other wrapping around her shoulders in a tight hug, holding her close.

"You can't- You can't do that, Steph. To you or to me," he said as he clung to her, his chin on her shoulder. Even then, he knew it was stupid to make it about him even slightly, but he'd say absolutely anything to convince her not to do anything that stupid.

Plus, if he knew for sure she was gone for good--not just some stupid rumors that people were trying to link to his missing best friend--Bucky couldn't be sure he wouldn't be right on her heels.

Men weren't supposed to cry. That had been drilled into Bucky's head since he could remember. But that didn't stop him from feeling his eyes well up as he squeezed them closed.

"Of course I stayed, punk. Since you pulled that stupid scarf off your face, I've taken every chance to stay with you. I spent too much time trying to find you to just... leave."

Steph was quiet for a moment, but she held on to Bucky as tightly as she could without hurting him. He was alive and whole, and now with the chance to live out the life he never had, yet he was saddling himself with the broken, damaged version of his best friend. He deserved better than her, anyone but her, yet he wanted her anyway.

"I don't deserve you," she said eventually, no longer sobbing but voice still thick with emotion. "But I'll stay for as long as you want me to." That had been one of his assertions earlier, that her mission should have been his call, not hers. He didn't want to be saved if it meant being parted from her. If she had known — if she had asked — then it wouldn't have come to this.

She hoped Bucky was fine in their timeline. Mad at her, probably, but she could live with that. Hopefully having the younger, sweeter, less jaded version of herself around would be good for him. He deserved to be happy, after everything.

"You don't deserve me?" Bucky asked with an incredulous laugh as he pulled back just far enough to look up at her again. His smile was definitely weak, as he hadn't felt like he was worth much of anything in quite a long time, but at least it was there. A little. "Steph, you could go live at any point in time, but I'm the selfish bastard that's askin' you to stay here in the 40s with me instead of going to some better time. Or even just... going to be with that other version of me."

Was he ignoring the whole thing about how she planned to go off herself after he left? Absolutely, he was. Bucky didn't think he had it in himself to really address that just yet, but he'd get there at some point.

"Hell, Steph, I'm greedy enough that I'm already trying to think of how to keep this from Becca since you said I can't tell anyone about you."

"Buck, if I hadn't been so dumb and fucked things up, you wouldn't have had to ask," Steph retorted with a mirroring weak self-deprecating laugh. She could've done anything else really and it would've been better than this. She could've brought the other Steph back so she was here when Bucky returned from the war, and he could've had the happy ending he deserved. But she didn't. Who was the selfish bastard now?

She cupped his cheek then, running her thumb over his lower lip. There probably wasn't any version of him that she wouldn't love and want. But he was the only one who asked, after a lifetime of waiting.

"We'll figure out what to tell Becca. And your friends." She'd already had her fill of being a science project and government property, and she'd like to avoid the same fate for him. Being one of the founders of SHIELD in this universe should at least help his case. She wasn't sure about hers. If anything they might think she was a HYDRA asset, their answer to Captain Carter.

But there were far more important things they had to deal with first. "I ain't going anywhere without you, alright? I promise." She let go of his face to fish out her tags (and locket) from under her shirt and place them into his hand. They were the only truly personal effects she had, having left everything else behind.

it's you and me up against the world, it's you and me

Hey lets just pretend that's not clearly Chris Evans in this icon

what chris evans 🤪

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