dysmorphics | it's you and me up against the world, it's you and me

"Yeah, of course, darling." Steph had waited for so long for all of that — for Bucky to tell her that he loved her, to be his. Hell, she would marry him right then and there if he'd ask.

Had she forgotten that his Steph was out there in 2023, and that he still wanted to talk to her at some point? Of course not. If that Steph wanted to come back and be with him then she would let him go, but until then she would stay with him and do her best to make him happy.

"I still don't know what we'll tell your family though." They would either recognize her, or think she was a dead ringer of his missing childhood love who would have some very big shoes to fill, with how much he loved her. "Maybe we oughta just say HYDRA got me, and they messed with my head so I don't remember a lot of things. Just you, mostly." She was already using the Winter Soldier name anyway, might as well go all the way.

God, Bucky had always wanted to hear Steph call him that. Or at least some sort of pet name that belonged to couples. "Good. Next I'll just have to convince you to marry me one of these days."

Bucky wouldn't be surprised if he woke up tomorrow to discover that the entire night had been a dream, and while that would be awful at least it would be a good one instead of a nightmare. But that didn't mean he wanted it to be a dream.

"I say that, at least with my family, we go simpler than that," Bucky said, shaking his head slightly. The people at work? He could lie to them. But he didn't want to outright lie so much to his family. Still, there were ways around that. "You could still be you with them, but the last few years you were doing confidential work, but my branch wasn't a part of that so we weren't in on it. And you still can't talk details with them. Maybe we even let them know you're calling yourself Gracie in public now, like I heard the girls downstairs calling you."

"What makes you think I still need convincing?" Steph teased with a soft laugh, the quip out of her mouth before she could even really think about it. It was true, though. She'd only ever entertained thoughts of marriage with Bucky, and when there didn't seem to be a chance of that, she just didn't bother anymore. But she didn't think he would be serious about it, or at least not so soon.

(Then again, if he wanted to get back with his Steph, it wouldn't matter whether or not they were married. Technically they were the same person. She and Bucky wouldn't even have to get divorced, but they would have some explaining to do.)

"Yeah, I... I guess we could work with that." It would save them a lot of trouble, frankly. And it would be nice to just be herself around them. She bit her lower lip self-consciously. "Did they know? Or did they want someone else for you?" She'd always felt welcome with his family, but that didn't mean they wanted them together.

"What, you wanna go visit a courthouse tomorrow?" Bucky teased. He genuinely didn't think that was something she even might say yes to, but it was something he'd do if she wanted to.

"That way, if they try to ask anything you can't get into, or explain easily, we can just say it's something you can't talk about. They're used to me having things I can't tell them about at work." Honestly, there was very little he could tell them about his job, and while it took them a little while to adapt to it, they managed. Now they didn't ask him for details about his work, and the only reason Becca was allowed in the building at all was because of the fits she'd throw in the lobby when he first came back and was avoiding his family. But even she knew that when she stopped by she wasn't supposed to look around. He just... put away his papers and ushered her into his office.

Her questions made him sigh, though. "They knew. I always knew Becca knew I had feelings for you, she'd tease me about it all the time. But I didn't realize my folks knew until I got back. They told me the dates they set me up on every once in a while were either favors for people they knew, or they thought it'd give one of us enough of a push to finally fess up to each other." Bucky pressed a quick, gentle kiss to her lips again. "Apparently, even they wanted us to hurry it up."

"I thought they didn't want me for you," Steph admitted. "I knew I was gonna be a burden with my poor health, financially and physically and emotionally, and no parent would want their child to have a shitty life." And she loved him too much to want him to suffer on her account.

Thankfully, that wasn't the case anymore, or at least being sick was no longer going to be a problem. So was money. There would be other issues, mostly byproducts of the war, but they should be able to get through them together.

"Do you wanna go to the courthouse? I told you, I ain't gonna need convincing. Wanted to marry you since we were teens." She'd have married him straight out of high school if he'd asked, or even during high school, with her Ma's blessing. Sarah Rogers had known, too.

"They probably realized they needed to accept it when I kept following you around like a protective, lovesick puppy for years," he said. Yeah, his mom probably did worry about that, but Bucky didn't care. Even if Steph was still small and sickly, he'd still make the same offer. "Every once in a while one of them'll make a comment about how I need to try to let go since someone went and made them think my dreamgirl died four years ago, especially with me turnin' 30 in a couple months, but they haven't even attempted to set me up with anyone since I got home."

Joke was on them, though, because even if Steph hadn't dropped back into his life? He wouldn't have let go. He probably just woulda worked himself to the bone and ended up dying some sort of lonely, angry, old virgin.

"Sweetheart, I'd take you right now if it wasn't so late," Bucky answered with a chuckle, turning his lips brush lightly over hers. "Still might need to use my name to get a judge to show up on a Saturday--" that was something Bucky never did, letting his "celebrity" get him favors, but there were things he'd make an exception for, "--but there's already a ring waiting for you at my place."

"Hey, I already said I was sorry." Steph still felt guilty and ashamed for making the last couple of years miserable for Bucky, and so so grateful he still wanted her despite it.

She buried her face into the crook of his neck. "Are you really sure you wanna do this?" Kissing was one thing. Hell, so was going steady and sleeping together, even if she took that sort of relationship very seriously. But marriage? "I mean, with me? I hurt you, and I've done so many awful things..."

And then there was the Steph of this timeline, haunting her thoughts like a ghost. She would let him go if he decided he would much rather be with the Steph he grew up with, but that didn't mean it wouldn't break her heart. Worse, she didn't want to one day find out that he wasn't truly happy with her, but he was staying for her anyway. She couldn't fail him again.

"I know you did. And I know you are." Bucky tightened the arms he had wrapped around her waist, holding her close. Not that there was much space between them. "And it sounds like she's somewhere better for her in the long run."

Plus, it wasn't like she was alone there. Bucky couldn't imagine anything in his life being bad enough that he stopped loving Stephanie Rogers, so he felt confident that the other version of himself still had feelings for her. Why wouldn't he?

"Of course I'm sure, Steph. I've known you were it for me since we were teenagers."

"When you see her again and you two wanna be together, just tell me, okay? I promise I won't get mad." It would hurt, but Steph would be grateful, that even just for a while Bucky chose to be with her.

Though if she and this Bucky ended up talking about marriage, of all things, then it was just as likely that their counterparts were already having this conversation too. Some things seemed to be constant in both their lives: the stupid, shitty luck, and each other.

"But I'll be with you, as long as you still want me." She hugged him a little tighter, almost as if silently begging, please, please don't let me go. "I've wanted to be with you since we were teenagers too."

Then, with a soft laugh, she gently pulled away to reach around him and tug at something she'd stuck on the fridge with a magnet. She handed him the paper, which was a bill in her alias, Gracie Barnes. "Kinda even borrowed your name already," she said sheepishly.

Bucky took the paper and looked it over, a warm smile spreading across his face before turning his eyes to her face again. "I still like Steph Barnes better, but I'll get used to calling you Gracie in public. Or I'll default to some sort of pet names." Pet names would keep him from slipping up, after all.

He looked away only long enough to make sure the counter wasn't wet where he set down the paper, then turned to face his girl again, snagging one of her hands in the process. "So what do you say, Rogers?" Bucky began, twisting their fingers together as he tilted his head just slightly. "You wanna become Stephanie Grace Barnes tomorrow? Will you marry me?"

Tears immediately sprung in Steph's eyes. She'd long given up on the idea of one day settling down, let alone with Bucky, and she had even been on the verge of giving up and ending it all. Yet here he was, extending more than just a lifeline. She would finally be home.

"Yes." She flung her arms around him. "Yes, yes." Then she was sobbing again, though this time it was from joy. "Thank you."

Bucky couldn't hold back the laugh when Steph hugged him that tightly, and wrapped his arms tightly around her, too.

"Hey, you don't need to thank me," he said, pressing his face into her hair as he held her close. "It's not like you're doing me some kinda favor, sweetheart. I've always known I'd only ever get married if it was you." And she couldn't even pull the but that's the other me card, because he came to that decision years before Bucky went to Europe, therefor it was years before their timelines split.

Reaching up, Bucky tucked Steph's hair behind her ear before pressing some soft kisses to her jaw. "Guess this means it's my last night as an unmarried man, huh?"

Maybe it was selfish, but Steph, for once, didn't argue. Bucky was doing her a favor, and he could've chosen to wait to talk to his timeline's Steph and then propose for her — the Steph whose only flaws were her poor health and insecurities. Unlike her, who had been broken and put together several times over. He wouldn't agree, yet that was the truth. Instead of fighting him about it, she just held him close and let him do the same.

She laughed softly when he kissed her jaw, both because it kind of tickled, and because of his comment. "You can go round up your pals and celebrate, if you wanna."

She didn't want him to leave, but they were getting married tomorrow, and if he wanted to have one last outing or whatever then she wasn't going to stop him. She wasn't sure what men did now (it was still weird to think of 1947 as now) but she remembered Tony and the others talking about stag parties and some of the crazy shit that were involved in them. Mostly alcohol and women, neither of which Bucky seemed to particularly care about, but maybe he'd like the camaraderie or the opportunity for some normalcy. Most of the Howlies worked for the SSR now too, and there was Howard, who Tony had clearly taken after in the having fun front.

"Pals?" Bucky asked with a chuckle. It seemed like she was really overestimating just how much time he spent with... anyone outside of work, actually. Hell, even at work he spent most of his time in his office.

He pressed a couple more kisses to her jaw before pulling back enough to look at her. "I don't wanna go anywhere, Steph. I was just... making an observation." Leaning in, Bucky pressed another short, soft kiss to her lips, then bit gently at her lower lip. "I just didn't expect to leave work my usual surly self today, then be married to my dreamgirl by the next time I go to work."

"You can't tell me I'm your only friend," Steph teased. Oh, she'd noticed that since coming home from the war Bucky had become moody and withdrawn, but figured that over time he would find his footing in the world again. He never had trouble making friends. He'd been popular and well-liked long before he was a war hero. Growing up she'd often wondered why he stuck around her when he had so many options.

But if he didn't want to go anywhere she was more than happy with that. "I'm gonna have to make sure you enjoy your last night as a bachelor then," she teased further, grinning against his lips. "Can't get us better booze, but I can improvise on the entertainment."

Kissing him back, she slowly herded him back toward where they'd been dining and into one of the chairs. She straddled his lap, though she was careful not to do so with her full weight as the chair might not be able to hold them both. She'd never actually done this before, not even during her many years in the future, but she knew what to do on principle at least.

"I don't think my co-workers count. I don't do shit with them unless I'm forced to." Even then, it was rare that they managed to drag him anywhere, and he always left as early as he could get away. It wasn't like he could use alcohol to relax with them or anything, anyway.

Steph, on the other hand, was his best friend. They might have had to force him to go to the bar or wherever, but it didn't take more than a gentle nudge from Steph for Bucky to follow her to the chair.

He sat and placed his hands on her hips, grinning up at her. "You got something in mind, beautiful?"

Grinning, Steph started to undo Bucky's tie. The motion was purely from muscle memory, since it wasn't like she'd had to help anyone with their tie in the recent years.

"You never did get a proper homecoming, did you, Sarge?" For sure he had even more women lining up to date him than when they were younger, and without being joined at the hip with a certain tiny blonde they probably thought they finally stood a chance. The joke was on them.

She didn't get any sort of homecoming from the war either, just Fury's dumb idea of easing her into the future via a little roleplaying (she'd apologized to the poor agent for the scare), after which she went to visit Bucky's grave. She then spent days crying and destroying punching bags at the gym, and only when she didn't feel like jumping off a bridge and drowning herself anymore did she visit Becca and Peggy.

Over the years, Steph had helped Bucky with his tie countless times. Usually it was straightening it for him, sometimes putting it on him, and rarely taking it off for him. The help getting it off was usually if she helped him get home (either to his place or hers) when he was sick or occasionally drunk.

None of those times had been with her straddling his lap and looking at him like that.

"I got offers," Bucky began, letting his hands slide down Steph's thighs in those--God he had a hard time thinking of them as pants. They really were more like thick pantyhose or smooth long johns--pants, then back up to her hips again. "But I didn't want any of them. Just you."

Instead of leaving Bucky's tie to hang over his shoulders, Steph pulled the whole thing off and tossed it aside. Then she slipped her fingers underneath the straps of his suspenders, running them up and down idly as they talked. (She squirmed a little whenever he slid his palms along her thighs and did a poor job hiding it.)

"Can't blame them for trying," she said, now with a touch more color on her cheeks. She was no prude, but she'd never done this before, and she didn't want to mess things up because she wanted this to be special for him. "Dumb of me not to. I've thought about it so many times, but I didn't want to risk losing you."

Bucky noticed Steph's squirming. Of course he did. That's why he smirked just a little as he moved one of his hands to rest on top of her thigh, his thumb brushing lightly over what could just barely be considered her inner thigh. "Steph, being scared of losing you is the only reason I never asked you on an official date."

When you thought about it (and Bucky had, many times over the years), the way Bucky and Steph spent their days and evenings together most of the time could have easily been seen as dates. But, Bucky didn't think Steph was interested in him, so he never let himself too hard about that. Really, though, the only thing they were missing to become official dates would have been kissing.

They were both idiots. Hell, here they were, a couple hours into being a couple and they already had plans to get married the next day. Guess they were just... extremely all or nothing.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked, keeping his eyes locked on hers. Sure, there were plenty of basic ideas he had, things about he he'd always wanted to see, or things he wanted to do with her, but he was sure she had some ideas, too. Plus, hey, maybe she learned some other things in the future.

Either way, he was incredibly easy when it came to Steph Rogers.

"I've never done any of this before, so just... tell me if you want something."

A small, insecure part of Steph wanted to doubt that Bucky had never been with anyone before, after all he'd dated quite a bit and he'd been in the Army. Yet she had been with him in the Army, and as odd as it seemed, he'd never been one of those who disappeared during their downtime with anyone, unless you counted Steph. And so what if he did? She had no right to be upset about it since they hadn't been together then.

Besides, what mattered was that they were getting married tomorrow, and they were together now.

So she just unclipped his suspenders and smiled at him. "Whatever you've wanted to do with me." Then, suddenly shy, she ducked her head and worked on unbuttoning his shirt, starting with the one on the collar. "I've never done this before either. The one I wanted never offered. I love him though."

Bucky had often thought people were stupid for not realizing just how beautiful Steph was. It didn't matter that she was small and scrawny, or that she didn't smile all the time and got defensive. It mattered that when she did smile, Bucky thought it could light up a room. Or that even though she couldn't see blues right, that didn't change the fact that they were as blue as the sky over the Atlantic on a warm day. Or that she wasn't just defensive for her own sake, she'd jump to the defense of anyone that she thought needed it, even though she was tiny compared to most people.

And her eyes and smile were still the same for him now, she was just in a taller, curvier body. He didn't want her any more or less because of her new body. He just wanted her.

"I'm offering now," he told her, his own face turning a bit red as he grinned. He was fairly certain that he had more layers of clothes on than Steph did, so he didn't go trying to strip her just yet--even though he really wanted to see and feel her naked against him. Instead, he just let the fingers on her hip drift slightly under the hem of that sleeveless shirt she wore, and over her bare, soft skin. "And I would have offered then if I thought you'd take me up on it."

"Not gonna wait until after we're married?" Steph teased, even as she popped more buttons of Bucky's shirt open in total contradiction. Helping him out of clothes wasn't new for her, exactly, but the reason for it now was.

She visibly paused when she felt his fingers on the bare skin under her shirt. She didn't moan, not yet, but her breath hitched and her eyes fell shut for a moment. Did he never notice the effect he had on her? Or did he just not allow himself to hope in fear that he was reading her wrong? She'd always been affectionate with him. She'd held his hand, brushed his hair, helped him get dressed, snuggled next to him in bed, and looked into his eyes a little too long and a little too longingly. The line that they had to cross from friendship to something else was nearly non-existent; what held them back, ironically, was just themselves.

But they were past that, so nothing stopped her from opening his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders and arms and leaving it to fall on the floor. Then she took his hands and guided them to the hem of her tank top, just in case he felt he still needed permission to take it off her.

"Sorry there ain't anywhere more comfortable here," she apologized with a soft laugh. "Don't really have a bed. Or a couch. Didn't think I'd need much or have anyone over."

"I'll wait if you want to, but if you don't then I think we've waited long enough already." And they had, hadn't they? Hell, as long as Bucky had waited, he knew Steph had waited even longer.

Bucky had no issue letting his button down hit the floor, but he still had his damn undershirt on, because in the 40s people wore too many layers. (Also, it was January in New York. So.) He considered going ahead and pulling the under shirt off himself, but Steph was guiding his hands to her shirt, encouraging him to undress her, and who was he to complain about that?

"Sweetheart, I was in the Army. I don't need a bed," he said, smirking up at her. For the moment he wasn't tugging at her shirt. Yet. "But if you come live with me after the wedding, you'll have a bed. And a couch. Even a coffee table." He was teasing her a little, sure, but he did have those things. There was no way his ma and Becca were going to let him move into an apartment without furniture, even if he was furious at them when they insisted on either supplying him with the pieces or dragging him out to force him to pick something himself.

Then he slid Steph's shirt up and over her head, letting his fingers drift lightly up her sides in the process. Once it was off her, (and half noticing that shit, that fabric was stretchy, but that'd be something to look at later), he let her shirt join his on the floor. Once that was done, he let his eyes roam over her as his hands went back slide up her sides again, then let out a soft groan as he let himself cup her breasts over her full bra.

"You're still beautiful, Steph," he told her as he locked his eyes back on hers.

"Do I look like I wanna wait?" Steph continued to tease, and for good measure, because Bucky can be an idiot (ha), she slid a hand into his hair to pull his head back as she gave him a slow, lingering kiss. She didn't do much else, mostly because she wanted to savor the moment — sure, it wasn't their first kiss anymore, but kissing him was still so new that every kiss felt rare and special.

She was laughing when they broke off. Fuck, he was so hot when he smirked and looked at her like that. "If I move in? I mean, I have a really nice apartment in 2023 but I left it with him and she's probably staying there too." She kissed him again. "I hope your furniture's sturdy." She sounded like she was kidding, but jokes were half-meant and she certainly meant part of that.

He took the words out of her — and also her breath — when he started touching her though. Because fuck, she'd long wondered what it would be like if he did, and it was everything and nothing like she imagined. You're still beautiful, she heard him say, and she looked a little dazed when she met his gaze. That was probably the most fascinating part, his reaction. She had never really felt comfortable in the body the serum gave her, despite the knowledge that it was objectively beautiful, but for the first time, it felt right. She felt at home.

No, she felt at home with him.

"I know. I've been voted Sexiest Woman Alive five times." It was true, but joking around was her way of dealing with compliments. She didn't doubt that he meant it, it was just still a little hard to believe any of this was happening at all.

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