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[dysmorphics]

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@freakymagoo

[dysmorphics]

◜continued from here◞

Course you are. But your campaign manager said you were busy. Did you even get the invite? I sent it by post. It had a little doodle of you in a nice suit.

If you come, I'll introduce you to everyone. Tell them you're awesome, share embarrassing stories from when we were teenagers.

[freakymagoo]

I did, because nobody sends anything by pony express anymore.

Forget the campaign. I'll always be there for you.

[dysmorphics]

You don't have to mess up your schedule on my account, but I really appreciate it. I'm just nervous, you know? Never really thought these silly sketches would be good enough for people to want to see.

[freakymagoo]

[If he could change the world he'd make it so that it wouldn't take a war or the horrors that people do during one to give people like Steph the recognition they deserve.

But what does he know? He's just some grumpy old man who should have retired from the unwanted limelight decades ago.]

You've always been good enough. Don't worry about it. They'll see you the way I see you.

But if you sell a bunch of stick figures for 14 million dollars and need a bag carrier/driver to elope off with you into the sunset, consider this my formal application.

[dysmorphics]

That's your price, 14 million? You want a ring with that?

[ ... she's only half-joking. ]

Thanks. I don't know where you get it from, but I appreciate your faith in me.

[ She really doesn't know where he gets it from. He'd believed in her when nobody else did. He'd believed in her even before the serum. ]

[freakymagoo]

Isn't it normally the men's side that buys the dowry?

I don't get it from anywhere. It's all you.

[dysmorphics]

Never really gave that much thought, honestly. I figured it didn't matter since I was gonna die soon enough anyway, and I wasn't gonna subject anyone [ Read: you, not that she's ever going to tell him. ] to all that trouble.

[ She's lying. At least, the part about not having thought about it. Marriage, kids and a house in the suburbs with a picket fence had been the end goals of their generation. She's just accepted that none of that would ever be in the cards for her. ]

You know what? Since you're being so nice, I'm gonna write you a damn good speech for one of your campaign events.

[freakymagoo]

[That's a shame. He might have thought, once upon a time, and every so often when life presents him with a rare, fleeting, precious moment of normalcy, that he might have been mostly sort of maybe okay. You know. To be around children.]

Publicist boss lady says supposed to bend over and take anything for endorsements so...

[dysmorphics]

You know all you had to do was ask, right? My word still carries some weight around here.

[ And it's not like people don't already assume she's backing him, given their history and all. ]

Anyway, you're in luck. I got press and influencers coming to my event. Just nod and smile to whatever I say, okay? And dress nice. You gotta use that handsome mug of yours to your advantage.

[freakymagoo]

Does it really matter what I'm wearing if you've got almost nudes of me plastered on the wall?

[dysmorphics]

Look, the nudes are me objectifying you on everyone's behalf. What you're wearing is what you want people to think of you. That you're smart, dependable, can be trusted. You gotta bury the stupid underneath a nice suit and a nice haircut.

[freakymagoo]

[Long, tired sigh.]

I need a haircut.

[dysmorphics]

Yeah, no shit. Want me to do it? I got nothing planned today, I can drive to wherever you're at.

[freakymagoo]

You aren't too busy planning your big day?

I've been in the campaign office waiting for this speech to write itself.

[dysmorphics]

You know I always got time for you, buddy.

I can help with your speech too. Buy me dinner and we can call it even?

[freakymagoo]

You need to come to this hole in the wall Indian fusion burger joint with me. Nobody will recognise us and we can order one of everything.

[dysmorphics]

Now that sounds amazing. Workshop you a speech over dinner then we'll deal with your hair afterward? You'll probably want a bath after all that anyway.

[freakymagoo]

Deal. Look for one of those murdery black SUVs with tinted windows and government plates.

[dysmorphics]

You got bodyguards to go with that now?

[freakymagoo]

I had to protect one the other day from a flying can. Does that still count?

[dysmorphics]

They're supposed to be your security detail, dummy.

You hiring? I can even do it pro bono, for old times' sake.

[freakymagoo]

I don't need one unless they can protect me from the internet or the IRS.

I'm not sure you qualify for the secret part of the secret service.

[dysmorphics]

Hate to break it to you, pal, but nobody can save you from the IRS.

I can wear a cap.
✌🏻

[ Just because it worked one time, Stephanie! ]

[freakymagoo]

Then you'll just be Cap with a cap. And I still can't fill out these forms.

[dysmorphics]

Fine, I'll throw in sunglasses too. I don't think my ass is enough of a giveaway anyway.

Is it?

You just gotta hire an accountant. I can't bust you out if you go to jail for that.