Look, the nudes are me objectifying you on everyone's behalf. What you're wearing is what you want people to think of you. That you're smart, dependable, can be trusted. You gotta bury the stupid underneath a nice suit and a nice haircut.
Now that sounds amazing. Workshop you a speech over dinner then we'll deal with your hair afterward? You'll probably want a bath after all that anyway.
I've apparently been evading taxes for 80 years and they want me to declare my secret stash of Nazi gold that's so secret I know nothing about it. Know any accountants who have this kind of experience?
Wow. Look at you, already speaking like a true politician.
For real? Or is that what the trolls and conspiracy theorists are saying on the Internet? You don't only need an accountant, you also need a lawyer. That's libel. We could try Matt, actually.
[ Everything special about you came out of a bottle, Tony once snarked at her, and it still lives rent-free in her head. She has complicated feelings about her body. ]
Yeah, I know. Saw the one about us being secretly married? Guess they'll be coming for my ass for the Nazi gold too.
Of course I did. Just didn't think I'd live long enough to find someone who'll take me. I'm kind of a handful. Lots of baggage. Just a different kind now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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I need a haircut.
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I've been in the campaign office waiting for this speech to write itself.
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I can help with your speech too. Buy me dinner and we can call it even?
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You need to come to this hole in the wall Indian fusion burger joint with me. Nobody will recognise us and we can order one of everything.
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You hiring? I can even do it pro bono, for old times' sake.
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I'm not sure you qualify for the secret part of the secret service.
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I can wear a cap.
✌🏻
[ Just because it worked one time, Stephanie! ]
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Is it?
You just gotta hire an accountant. I can't bust you out if you go to jail for that.
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I've apparently been evading taxes for 80 years and they want me to declare my secret stash of Nazi gold that's so secret I know nothing about it. Know any accountants who have this kind of experience?
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For real? Or is that what the trolls and conspiracy theorists are saying on the Internet? You don't only need an accountant, you also need a lawyer. That's libel.
We could try Matt, actually.
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They say a lot of things on the internet about me, about you. A lawyer can't fix the internet. We just have to not care.
But I guess we need lawyers for everything these days. Especially when we're probably on the mayor's shitlist. Do you have his number?
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[ Everything special about you came out of a bottle, Tony once snarked at her, and it still lives rent-free in her head. She has complicated feelings about her body. ]
Yeah, I know. Saw the one about us being secretly married? Guess they'll be coming for my ass for the Nazi gold too.
Hang on, gimme a sec.
[ Matt's contact details follow. ]
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You ever thought about it? The big day with flowers and dresses and whatever. Half a dog and three picket fences.
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Gonna have to settle for the dog, I guess.
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Everyone comes with lots of baggage.
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Besides, anyone interested is half my age, and anyone my age is in a care home or not interested.
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