dysmorphics | open post

At the sound of Steph apologizing and that sob that came out of her, Bucky turned to face her again. "What are you sorry for?" he asked, confusion written all over his face as he moved in to wrap his arms around her. Sure, he was very much aware of his scars and how awful they looked, but he would never turn Steph away when she wanted him to hold her.

Hell, aside from those first couple years after his escape, Bucky couldn't think of many times in his life he'd ever turned her away. Since they'd met, Bucky's life had pretty much revolved around Steph Rogers, whether she realized it or not. At least it had whenever he had control of himself.

"There's nothing for you to apologize for, dove," he told her before pressing a kiss to her hair. He meant it, too. Nothing that happened to him was her fault. That blame laid at HYDRA's feet only, not hers.

She nodded, though it was more to convince herself than him. Then she pulled back enough to brush her fingertips to his shoulder, the touch feather-light, over a spot where metal met flesh. "I know I didn't do this to you. But I'm sorry anyway."

She would just have to atone for her failures for the rest of her life. Tonight, she began by lightly touching her lips to his skin, over where her fingers had been, lingering long enough that he might think that was all. But then she moved again, trailing kisses along his shoulder, up the side of his neck, then finally to his ear. "I love you so much," she whispered, and it wasn't only her breath that was warm, but also the top half of her body that was pressed skin-to-skin against his.

When he next found her mouth, she allowed herself to do something she had only ever imagined: she let her hand wander, palm sliding over the skin and muscles of his chest as though she was memorizing his shapes to put to paper later. Perhaps she might. For now, she had her curiosity to satisfy.

Bucky's breath caught when Steph began to kiss across his shoulder and up his neck. Eyes sliding closed, he realized that either his neck was sensitive, or he was just sensitive to being touched by the woman he'd always wanted to be touched by.

Most likely it was both.

"I love you, too, sweetheart. Always have," he said in a voice just as soft as Steph's had been, his voice laced with what could almost be called reverence. Because it amazed him that even after all he'd done, everything he'd been through and forced to do, Steph could still love him. It was something that Bucky was sure he would never take for granted.

When they kissed again and Steph began to touch and explore his chest, Bucky couldn't help the quiet moan that escaped him. He let his own natural hand rest on Steph's side before sliding gently up, his fingertips brushing over her skin teasingly before coming to a stop on the side of her ribs. His thumb hesitantly ran over the side of her breast before he pulled back from the kiss to look at Steph again.

"Can I?" he asked, hoping she understood the question. He wanted to touch her much the same way she was touching him, but it was different for a woman, and he didn't want to just make assumptions.

At any other time she'd have laughed and teased him for suddenly being shy, but they were both feeling far too vulnerable for her to want to joke around about it. "All yours, baby," she just said instead, with a soft smile that went all the way to her eyes. "Anytime and any way you want."

Though she did laugh shortly after they resumed kissing. Well, it was more like a laugh followed by a sharp inhale. "Sorry, just... a little sore here." She put a hand on the spot below her right breast, where the skin was mottled by bruises. He hadn't actually touched it, but she'd closed in a little too eagerly and pulled at it or something. "Just stick to the, um, lady parts."

What the fuck, Stephanie? She might be inexperienced, but she knew plenty about sex and the human body. Yet she was nervous anyway, and blushing like a virgin bride. In a way, she kind of was.

Bucky let out his own weak laugh at that, nodding, then pulled back to gesture at his own ribs, but along his left side. "I've got some of those, too," he said simply. "Happens more when you just have an arm instead of a shield." Bucky had to block things with his left arm, after all, and it could only block so much. Plus, he had basically gone from one battle directly into another, while Steph had five (admittedly miserable) years between them to heal.

"I love you, Steph," he said as he cupped that breast in his natural hand, biting gently at his own lip as he watched his thumb drift over her nipple. "I've, uh," he started before looking back up at her. "I've never been with anyone before." Not by choice. Not anyone who counted. "So just don't expect me to know what I'm doing when it happens, sweetheart." When. Not if.

Sure, he'd seen porn in recent years. Of course he had. There may or may not have even been a particular genre of Captain America cosplay porn that he may or may not have seen. But even he was aware that the way people did things in porn wasn't likely realistic.

She watched his hand, marveling at how even the smallest of touchest sent a wave through her that was more potent than adrenaline. Maybe she'd last for a while yet after all. She certainly didn't want them to stop so soon, even if they'd only get as far as petting.

"Me either." There was a breathless hitch to her voice that hadn't been there before. "I almost dated Sam, but someone blew a hole through the wall of my apartment in D.C. and then nothing else mattered." She glanced up at him, just as he brushed his thumb over her nipple again and left her gasping softly. "No one else... has ever mattered..."

If not for the wound on his thigh, she would've climbed onto his lap right then and there. She'd thought of pulling him down on the bed with her too, but her splint meant she couldn't actually rest on her side. Damn it. They would just have to do this sitting.

Bucky perked a brow then. "Sam? Really? I knew I couldn't trust him." It was bluster. Mostly. But there had been several times over the years that Bucky had wondered--and worried--about how close they were, and if anything was going to happen between them. He knew it had been jealousy, and if it had turned out that Sam was the one Steph wanted, he wouldn't have stood in the way. Much.

Honestly though, Bucky was genuinely thankful that Steph hadn't been alone. She had ended up with friends around her.

"Good thing I don't have to worry about that any more, huh?" He leaned in and pressed his lips to Steph's again then. No, he didn't need to worry about Sam. Or anyone else for that matter. Bucky finally got the girl of his dreams and he didn't plan on doing anything to lose her.

"Hey, he helped me look for you." She would always be grateful for that. Hell, Sam even continued the search during the times Steph got too busy with Avengers missions and international-level threats. "He was a good sport about it, even after the steering wheel incident." She didn't want to tease Bucky about his time as the Soldier, but while on the run with Sam and Nat a whole slew of jokes about that expressway chase came about, which Steph now found funny.

"I ain't here to talk about other people though," she reminded him, grinning against his lips before kissing him again. Yeah, talking could wait. She was finally getting to make out with the love of her life and she wasn't about to waste that time talking.

Stubbornly refusing to relinquish his mouth, she pulled her legs up the bed as they continued kissing, then guided his other hand to rest on her bare thigh. She didn't care how, she just wanted him to touch her, wanted him to get to know this body, then maybe, just maybe, she would finally feel at home in it.

For once, Bucky was almost thankful for that serum that had been forced into him. It meant that it wouldn't take too many days before he was at least healed up enough to be able to do more than just sitting up and gently touch her while they kissed.

Not that the kissing and touching were a bad thing. Not in the slightest. But he was definitely looking forward to being able to do more with her.

Groaning softly into the kiss, Bucky continued to toy with her breast with his natural hand while he squeezed gently at her thigh with his metal hand. The touch sensations in his new arm were more sensitive than they were with his old arm, and for that he was incredibly thankful, even if it was going to take a little while to get used to. But the new sensitivity let him feel her almost as well as he would have with a flesh and blood left hand.

He was definitely going to have to send Shuri a thank you note or a fruit basket or something.

Steph had always been quite reckless and impulsive, so it really shouldn't have been a surprise that she decided, despite the difficulty of moving around, to climb onto his lap and straddle him. She didn't actually sit on his lap as she didn't want her weight to strain his injuries, just basically knelt on either side of his legs, but their new position at least allowed him to explore her a bit more.

"Sorry," she said with a soft laugh, though she wasn't truly sorry. She had always wanted to do this; she'd even drawn this particular pose on several occasions, albeit in a more erotic fashion. She didn't need porn, just her sketchpad and pencils and her imagination.

She brushed his hair back with her fingers. If her other arm hadn't been in a sling, she'd have already tied his hair back so she could keep seeing his face. "The long hair is really growing on me," she teased.

Bucky definitely hadn't been expecting Steph to suddenly move to straddle his lap, but he was absolutely not going to complain. The sight and feel of his dream woman's bare breasts had already been getting to him, but having her shift so those breasts were right there in front of his face certainly didn't help. "Oh, fuck," the two words came out almost sounding like a soft moan. as his eyes widened.

"I, uh, yeah. It's growing on me, too," he said, brain shorting enough that the only way he could think to respond to that comment was with a stupid joke.

Moving his hands to rest on Steph's hips, he looked back up at her face again. "You're so fucking beautiful, Steph," he told her, his voice turning almost reverent as he let his hands slide around to run over America's Ass. "You've always been beautiful, but I've never had you right here like this." Sure, she'd been in his lap a million times in their lives, but those were very, very different situations. Not ones where he could keep his eyes on his wife (as he already thought of her) while he squeezed her ass and leaned in to start pressing light kisses to her breast before he closed his lips around her nipple, teasing it with his tongue.

It had also never been a time where he was hard as nails for her and he wasn't worried she'd notice.

Steph had hated the attention she continued to receive after her body was changed by the serum and the government paraded her as a showgirl. In time she'd learned to just tune out the leering looks and sexually-charged comments, and traded her skirts and dresses for more practical — and more masculine — pieces. She hadn't wanted her body to become her defining trait, and yet for many people, it was.

Bucky calling her beautiful though? Staring at her, touching her? God, she loved it. It was a different kind of high, and it helped that he kept repeating that he'd always thought her beautiful, always loved her before the serum. Perhaps that was why she straddled his lap in the first place. She quietly promised herself she'd go down on him later.

For now, she let herself enjoy being loved, being touched, being desired, and she was surprisingly vocal about it. She moaned and gasped, closing her eyes and tipping her head back a little when it got too good, while her fingers remained curled in his hair.

"Fuck." Her hips began to shift restlessly, chasing some manner of friction. "Don't stop, baby."

The sounds coming out of Steph were like music to Bucky's ears, and the fact that he was the one who was bringing them out of her was amazing. While he left his metal hand on her ass, he moved his other back to her hip, where he let his fingertips drift over the waistband of her shorts. He even bit gently at her nipple before removing his mouth from her chest.

"Tell me what you want?" It came out as more of a request than a demand as he looked up at her. His expression was pure love and adoration, and there was nothing he wouldn't do for her if she asked. And that went for both in and out of the bedroom.

But at the same time, he didn't want to do anything that she wasn't ready for, or touch her in places she wasn't comfortable with yet.

"I—" Steph felt her face burn at the question. She stopped moving for a moment and just looked back at Bucky, struck by the tenderness she found on his face. Not because it was new, but because it wasn't. He'd looked at her in the same way before, she just... didn't let herself believe that it meant what it did.

Still, articulating what she wanted, especially in this, was not something she was good at. She wasn't used to it. She wasn't used to wanting. Sometimes when she let her guard down she would get carried away, like what had happened just a while back, when she'd taken it upon herself to be the one on top. But being asked to say it felt like imposing, and she didn't want to be a burden.

"Well..." She licked her lips. The words would not come, and her blush only worsened the more she tried to make herself say it. His hand was already on her hip though, so instead of using words, she just gently guided it under the waistband of her shorts. As he cupped her over her panties she saw realization bloom on his face that she was wet, and, once more, her cheeks felt like they'd been set aflame.

"If I had known you'd be back, I would've worn lace," she joked, if only to hide her embarassment. Then she added, shyly, "Probably easier if I just take them all off, huh."

Bucky's eyes went wide when Steph moved his hand to cup her sex, especially when he could feel how wet she was through her panties. It didn't take long before he started to rub his fingers back and forth over her panties. "Steph, baby, it doesn't matter if you're in lace or long johns, I would want you just as much either way."

She was his dream woman, after all. He'd had plenty of opportunities to be with other women over the years, but never once did he choose to take any of them up on it because he knew they would all pale in comparison to Stephanie Grace Rogers.

The thought of her above him with nothing at all on, though, made a slight whimper slip out of Bucky. "Yeah, uh. Taking them off sounds like the best plan you've ever had." And it gave him an idea, too. Pulling his hand back and with a bright red face, he managed to lift his hips under her enough to work his own underwear down, only being slightly careful as he pushed them past the stitches in the side of his lower thigh.

His stiff cock stood between them as he moved his hands back to her hips, but that time it wasn't just to hold on to them. Instead, he slipped his fingers under the waistband of Steph's shorts and panties before sliding them down to her mid-thighs. Between his body under her, her knees on the bed, and how her legs were spread around him, he couldn't get them down further. So he made do.

Reaching up, Bucky placed his metal hand on the back of Steph's neck to tug her down into another kiss as his softer hand slipped back between her legs, letting his fingers slide through her slick folds directly.

Steph was embarrassed at how loud she'd moaned when Bucky started to rub his fingers over her panties, and it only intensified when she thrust her hips in response, chasing that sweet friction. Yet even with her face burning, she couldn't bring herself to stop; it helped that her reaction only spurred him to continue instead of stop.

She let out a little whine when he pulled his hand out, only for her eyes to widen as she realized he was going to take his underwear off. She probably should, too, but she was immediately distracted by his cock, now in full view and within reach after years and years of just fantasizing about it. Oh, she'd caught glimpses in the past, most often during the war, and she'd relieved herself to wild imaginings of what they could do with it. Now she didn't have to imagine.

She'd been in the thick of battle countless times, felt the rush of blood in her ears, but all those times seemed to pale in comparison to his simple act of tugging down her shorts and panties. She was exposed, and she thought she might die of embarrassment, but the look he gave her as ran his gaze up her body made her feel the opposite. He thought he was beautiful. Most importantly, however, he loved her.

She met him in the kiss, eagerly capturing his tongue, only to moan open-mouthed — and even more loudly at that — when his fingers slid through her folds. "Fuck," she whimpered, for a minute unable to do anything else but groan and gasp into his mouth while she ground into his fingers.

Then, remembering that this shouldn't only be about her, she untangled her hand from his hair to wrap her fingers around his cock. Fuck, he was huge. And so, so hard. She wasn't sure if she wanted him inside her first, or inside her mouth.

Every moan Steph let out shot straight through Bucky. It was amazing, knowing he could make her feel like that, moan loud and curse with just his fingers and his mouth. He wasn't even thinking about seeking his own pleasure, too wrapped up with making her feel good. Bucky had always put Steph before himself, and it would definitely be no different when they were in bed together.

But then he felt her hand wrap around his cock, and for a moment, Bucky's brain went entirely blank. "Fuck, sweetheart," he moaned against her mouth. He moved his metal hand from the back of her neck and let it grip at the sheets beside him instead, not wanting to accidentally squeeze her too hard with it.

The way she continued to move her hips, though, worked as some encouragement for him. Bucky slid the tip of his middle finger over her opening before pressing it into her slowly. It was just one finger but he still groaned at the feeling of having her muscles wrapped around a part of him.

It wasn't that Steph didn't know how to give a handjob; she was just taking it slow and mostly feeling him up because, aside from simply being fascinated by the experience of getting to touch him in this way, she didn't want to accidentally grip him too hard and hurt him. If he wasn't doing anything to her, perhaps she could concentrate enough. As it was, she was too distracted by his fingers. Even the squelching sounds from when she'd slide along them was unexpectedly arousing.

She gave up when he started pressing into her. She let go of his cock and gripped his hip instead, and broke off from their kissing to bury her face into the side of his neck, her breath hot against his skin. "Fuck," she moaned, and it was as drawn out as the slow push and pull of his finger. More swearing followed, until she felt the urge to move her hips again; then she was gasping and even lightly biting on his shoulder. She could swear he was teasing her — because why wouldn't he? — but she was helpless against the new kind of high he was giving her.

"Do you—" she asked suddenly, breathlessly, "—do you want to—" He did something with his finger (fingers? she wasn't sure) then, one that shot a current of pleasure through her and made her cry out, after which she reached for his cock again. "Please," she practically whimpered, and she hoped he understood what she was asking.

Bucky groaned softly, biting down on his lip. He didn't mind at all that she let go of him, he enjoyed making her feel good, and apparently he enjoyed the feeling of her biting at his shoulder. But there wasn't much he wouldn't enjoy with her, dammit.

"I want to do everything with you, Steph," he turned his head to kiss her hair, bringing his other arm up to wrap around her shoulders as he added a second finger, sliding them in and out of her slowly. "Everything. But I don't have any condoms or anything." Getting the biggest box of condoms he could find would be going on the top of Bucky's to-do list, but he'd never had reason to purchase any before. He and Steph wren't together, and he'd never had interest in being with anyone but Steph.

But now they were together and Bucky was never going to let her go.

Was the serum working overtime, or was it just easy to ignore the pain and the exhaustion with how good it felt to have Bucky touching her? Steph didn't even feel embarrassed anymore that she was humping his hand as if it was his cock and moaning loudly into his shoulder, her mouth wet and warm over his scars.

"It's fine, I can take a pill if I gotta," she answered without even a hint of hesitation. Could she even get pregnant? She knew it would have been dangerous for her before the serum (and awful for the baby), and after... well, it didn't seem very smart to engineer the perfect soldier only to be unable to deploy her because she was on maternity leave. Not that she'd ever given it much thought, since she'd only ever wanted to be with Bucky, and he'd either been dead or seemingly uninterested.

But, God. That had been the dream once. They would get married, have a kid, and live in a nice house with a picket fence. And maybe a dog. Or a cat. She wasn't picky, she just wanted a pet since she was allergic and never allowed to have any as a child.

"Jesus, sweetheart," Bucky groaned softly just from the thought of being in Steph for the first time, and bare at that. "You sure," he asked, his eyes filled with lust as he looked at her. "Cause I want some time with just me and you before we throw a kid in the mix."

Had Bucky thought about raising kids with Steph over the years? Of course he did. He always thought she would be a fantastic mom, and he had hoped to be the lucky man to raise them with her. But that didn't mean he wanted to skip directly to that. They were already skipping enough steps.

That being said, like he would pass up the chance he was being offered.

"If you're sure then yeah, I definitely want to."

"Y-Yeah, I'm sure. I got some in the bathroom. A few of the girls in my support group had wanted some, but didn't want to be seen buying them." It felt important to explain why she conveniently had some morning after pills, as she didn't want him to think she'd been seeing someone while he was dead. The rest of the story about her support group and the people she'd helped would have to wait, though. Just as their talk about kids. She was happy to hear he was open to it, but she was already too wound up to want to stop and just talk.

"So, uh, you wanna scoot back so you can lean on the pillows, or...?" She didn't particularly care who was on top, as long as he was inside her, but she figured their current position was the kindest for his leg. Still, they could switch if he wanted, or keep going for the time being. This was as much for him as it was for her, after all.

Support group? Yeah, that would be a question for later. Bucky was a lot more interested in the way their night was headed, but he would definitely be asking about that later.

Instead, he gently removed his fingers from Steph and scooted up the bed a bit, using his good leg to kick his underwear the rest of the way off as he moved. So there he was, leaning back against the pillows and headboard, completely bare for his wife. Grinning, he reached his hands out to tug her closer to him by her hips.

"I love you, Steph," he told her again. Bucky was pretty sure he'd never stop telling her that now that he was allowed to, just like he was absolutely positive he would never stop being in love with her. All those years of his silence were proof of that.

Steph was momentarily distracted by the view of Bucky completely naked before her. She bit down on her lower lip as her gaze traveled down his body, the throbbing sensation between her legs intensifying. Fuck, he was hot. She had never found herself particularly interested in muscled men, or even naked men in general, but, shit, those thighs. And that cock, which was a lot bigger and thicker than she imagined.

"I love you too, Buck." His hands on her hips reminded her that she still had her remaining items of clothing stuck on her legs, so she shifted off him and to a seated position to pull off her shorts and panties. Then she turned back to him, only to pause and reconsider. She licked her lips.

"Actually, do you mind turning that way and moving to the edge for a bit...?" Her cheeks were aflame again. Damn it, she could curse and say fuck without a thought, but openly talking about sex still got her tongue-tied. Thankfully, dumbass as he was occasionally, there would have been no way for him to misinterpret her sinking to the floor, on her knees, between his legs.

Moving to the edge of the bed like Steph had asked him to, Bucky couldn't help the groan that came out of him at the sight of her going to her knees in front of him. "Jesus, sweetheart," he all but breathed out, face going red as he watched her. It was clear that she was getting to do one of the many things he thought he would only ever get to imagine her doing.

Reaching out, he pushed the pieces of Steph's hair that were falling from her ponytail back behind her ear. "You sure?" he asked softly. From what he understood, a lot of people didn't enjoy going down on their partner. Bucky was pretty sure he would be into using his mouth on Steph, but there wasn't much of anything he could picture doing with her that he wouldn't enjoy. "I mean, I definitely want you to. Definitely. But only if you do."

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i hate using the same icon twice in a row but this is the face he's making dammit

also his face in those pictures 😌

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