Hold on, I need a condom. I'm not getting you pregnant and leaving you to go fight a war.
( He wouldn't care if he wasn't shipping out tomorrow, they'd be getting married anyway, but he doesn't want to leave Steph in that state when he might not come back. He leans over to reach into his bedside drawer and pulls one out. )
Insurance? You want me to risk it? I will, this is up to you, but you don’t have to risk it. I’ve never done it without before.
( Bucky doesn’t want Steph to think that he’s willing to trade her security and well-being for a good time. There’s a lot that goes into having a baby and he doesn’t want to leave her with that burden alone unless she’s okay with it. )
[ She knows the risks. She grew up without a father, after all. Watched her mother struggle to raise her alone. But her mother hadn't regretted any of it.
Is it selfish of her to want this? To carry his child, to have something of him with her always? To be the only one he's ever done and shared this with? Maybe it is. Is it stopping her from wanting it anyway? Of course not. ]
Yeah, I do. I love you. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it together.
( Bucky doesn't bother with the condom, then, and while it takes him a moment to focus again on what he's doing, he pushes Steph's thighs wider to accommodate him and slides into her slowly. She's tight, tighter than he thought she'd be, and it feels so different and so damn good without a condom. He takes in a sharp breath. )
I need a moment. Never...felt like this before.
( He looks down at her while he's collecting himself, though, and watches her face to make sure she's not uncomfortable or frightened. )
[ It doesn't hurt as badly as she'd braced herself for, but he's much larger than his fingers that she'd whimpered when he pushed himself in. The pain ebbs once she remembers to breathe though, and she slowly shifts her hips to try to test it— ]
Fuck. [ Another squirm, same results. She looks up at him with wild eyes, like she's only just realizing why people enjoy sex. ] Oh, fuck. [ Stop squirming, Stephanie! ] You feel so good, Buck. Holy shit.
( Bucky moves then with some kind of rhythm even if it's hard to keep anything in his head other than how good it feels. He leans down and kisses her in the middle of a thrust, desperately needing to feel that connection too, and he's not disappointed one bit.
And? It means she's not talking and she's doing more of this. )
[ She swats his arm for that, but she does shut up, or at least she doesn't talk. She can't help making soft little sounds while he thrusts into her though, and they grow a bit louder once she figures out how to best move with him.
At some point, while they're kissing, she feels him lift her leg higher, and she takes that as a cue to wrap both legs around him. She slips a hand into his hair, the other coming to rest on his back, fingers digging into his skin.
She can practically hear her blood rushing and her heart pounding, but she doesn't feel like she's going to be sick. In fact, she doesn't remember ever feeling so alive. ]
( Bucky doesn't know how he's going to get on a ship to Europe after this. As much as they've joked about Steph trying to get into the nurse's corps, there's nothing he wants more right now because that means there's a chance she'll come with him and they can keep having this and he won't have to give her up for the cold mountains of a place he doesn't know.
It just makes him more desperate and his thrusts grow erratic and sharper, his kisses sloppy. He kisses her like he needs her to breathe and pulls her legs as high as he thinks will be comfortable so he can deepen the angle. If he's slept with too many people, at least it's prepared him for this. )
[ She's such a wisp of a thing that it almost seems like he could fold her right in half as he continues thrusting into her. Not that she feels any discomfort or pain from that. She's so wet by now that he moves easily even as his movements grow erratic, and any moaning on her end is from how good it feels.
How can she let him leave now? She's already wanting more even when they haven't yet finished, and this isn't the sort of thing she can just go to someone else for. Even her own hands would be a poor substitute. She already hates it. ]
( He hates himself for it but he can't hold on any longer, not when it's Steph and he can feel her and he's overwhelmed with feeling. He's never been someone to be loud in bed so the loud moan surprises him, even if he tries to muffle it in the crook of her neck and shoulder. )
[ His loud moan is what sends her over the edge too, falling apart right after him. Panting, she holds on tightly and doesn't ease up until her body finishes shuddering, but even then she doesn't let go.
She kisses his temple. ] Don't be. It was amazing.
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[ He might still die, and none of this will mean anything. But for now, for tonight, she lets herself believe. She kisses his jaw. ]
Now I want you inside me.
[ She feels a little giddy, being able to be this crude. ]
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( He wouldn't care if he wasn't shipping out tomorrow, they'd be getting married anyway, but he doesn't want to leave Steph in that state when he might not come back. He leans over to reach into his bedside drawer and pulls one out. )
I'm just being precautionary.
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You know, most guys prefer to leave a little insurance.
[ ... Had it been like that with her parents? ]
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( Bucky doesn’t want Steph to think that he’s willing to trade her security and well-being for a good time. There’s a lot that goes into having a baby and he doesn’t want to leave her with that burden alone unless she’s okay with it. )
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Is it selfish of her to want this? To carry his child, to have something of him with her always? To be the only one he's ever done and shared this with? Maybe it is. Is it stopping her from wanting it anyway? Of course not. ]
Yeah, I do. I love you. Whatever happens, we'll deal with it together.
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I need a moment. Never...felt like this before.
( He looks down at her while he's collecting himself, though, and watches her face to make sure she's not uncomfortable or frightened. )
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[ It doesn't hurt as badly as she'd braced herself for, but he's much larger than his fingers that she'd whimpered when he pushed himself in. The pain ebbs once she remembers to breathe though, and she slowly shifts her hips to try to test it— ]
Fuck. [ Another squirm, same results. She looks up at him with wild eyes, like she's only just realizing why people enjoy sex. ] Oh, fuck. [ Stop squirming, Stephanie! ] You feel so good, Buck. Holy shit.
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( Bucky moves then with some kind of rhythm even if it's hard to keep anything in his head other than how good it feels. He leans down and kisses her in the middle of a thrust, desperately needing to feel that connection too, and he's not disappointed one bit.
And? It means she's not talking and she's doing more of this. )
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At some point, while they're kissing, she feels him lift her leg higher, and she takes that as a cue to wrap both legs around him. She slips a hand into his hair, the other coming to rest on his back, fingers digging into his skin.
She can practically hear her blood rushing and her heart pounding, but she doesn't feel like she's going to be sick. In fact, she doesn't remember ever feeling so alive. ]
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It just makes him more desperate and his thrusts grow erratic and sharper, his kisses sloppy. He kisses her like he needs her to breathe and pulls her legs as high as he thinks will be comfortable so he can deepen the angle. If he's slept with too many people, at least it's prepared him for this. )
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How can she let him leave now? She's already wanting more even when they haven't yet finished, and this isn't the sort of thing she can just go to someone else for. Even her own hands would be a poor substitute. She already hates it. ]
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Couldn't hold on. Sorry.
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She kisses his temple. ] Don't be. It was amazing.
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I love you, you know. Can't believe you never figured it out.